A House Divided: Recovering from Sexual Abuse and Multiplicity by Jerry Donaldson & Catherine Jean Johnson

Author:Jerry Donaldson & Catherine Jean Johnson [Donaldson, Jerry]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
ISBN: 9780991524020
Publisher: Philia Press
Published: 2014-04-26T00:00:00+00:00

Most of the parts hated being outside after dark. The intensity of their feelings made me avoid going places at night, especially alone. Attending the Friday evening group meant driving 15-20 miles from my home. Every Friday evening, the helper parts would accuse and undermine me, trying to protect some of the young alters who were traumatized by the dusk and night drive. Sometimes I would just stay home, to appease the parts, but at other times, I made myself emotionally strong and dealt with the inner turmoil. When I was deeply upset and felt really bad inside (with lots of memories and feelings), the dark time of day wasn’t the issue. The parts pleaded to stay at home because it was the only place they felt safe. At those times, I usually gave in and stayed. I felt safer at home too.

Strange as it might seem at first, Easter was upsetting too. Our community staged an annual passion play, and some of our church people were actors, so I felt obligated to attend. However, I had to stop going, because it was far too vivid and barbaric, too close to rituals and cult activity I knew first-hand. Some of my parts went crazy even thinking about the events of the play. They acted out by engaging in self-mutilation, usually cutting. Their internal noise and objection was so strong, I surrendered to their desires to stay away. Fighting the entire group at one time was usually too much for me.

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